So, we saw an allergist for Tim earlier this month. All the scratch tests came back negative, but after conversing with the allergist we were given a diagnosis of FPIES. The link provided gives a very good explanation but to simplify things dramatically it's a digestive allergy.
We are not to try to introduce any reactive foods until at least 15 months of age. If for whatever reason I were to decide to wean (not happening) we would need to give him hypoallergenic formula, to the tune of around $200/month. His reactions to any trigger foods could be severe and even life threatening due to complications such as dehydration. I feel happily justified in not having just accepted that my child had reflux, drugging him up, and moving on with my life. Best case scenario had I done so Tim would have been failure to thrive due to his constantly irritated digestive tract being unable to absorb nutrients. Worst case, we would have ended up hospitalized with dozens or even hundreds of tests before an answer could be found.
Just another case of mama knows best. I urge moms everywhere to trust your instincts first and foremost, especially when it comes to something that can't hurt your child to do. Me avoiding foods that I believed were triggers for him had no potential of hurting my child, it put me out certainly, it still does but it had no chance of hurting him. I got lots and lots of well meaning advice to just "take the meds and be done with it". But I refused, if there was a way for me to help my child avoid meds and avoid pain I saw no reason not to take that path.
Sometimes as parents in order to do the best thing for our child we need to trust our instincts, and often take the difficult path. Sometimes the "easy" route isn't as easy as it seems. A "quick fix" now may cause a buildup of issues and problems later on. All things to keep in mind.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
A new approach to "discipline".
I have recently read Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. It is one of the best books I have ever read and completely opened my eyes to discipline problems that I didn't even think were problems. I am looking at my parenting history (all 7 years of it) with completely new eyes now and seeing that every time something didn't work my solution was usually to just try harder. That really makes little sense.
Unconditional Parenting explains in great detail why the "standard" approach to discipline doesn't work the best. Why there are better ways to raise our children and speak to them. And why rewards and punishments are actually counterproductive especially when it comes to creating people with self esteem.
When we give our children rewards and punishments we never allow them to feel proud of themselves or disappointed in themselves, because we do it for them. They require us to tell them whether they've done well or badly. This creates an individual who's self esteem and self worth are reliant upon the values and judgments of those around them rather than their own values and judgments. This effects some kids more than others.
When we instead let our children decide for themselves whether or not they've done something to be proud of or disappointed in they learn to have self esteem that's reliant upon their own values rather than outside judgments. It should be our job to help our children define their own values, rather than tell them whether their actions or opinions are "good" or "bad".
When a child is driving a toy car across the floor and rams it into someone's foot and is told "that wasn't nice" or something similar (yes I'm guilty of this too) all they learn is that specifically ramming that toy car into that person's foot wasn't nice. If you instead discuss with said child how the person who got their foot rammed felt, and if the child thinks they enjoyed it a whole new realm of learning and understanding is opened. A realm that allows the child to take the knowledge learned from the experience into completely different circumstances "if it hurts to ram a car into a foot, and it hurts to push someone, maybe I shouldn't do either". This usually requires more initial effort than simply saying "don't do that" or "that wasn't nice" but over time it ends up creating children who can make those judgments for themselves.
At the moment it's a work in progress but I repeatedly see how it is a better long term solution than the easier "that's good" "that's bad" judgments.
Unconditional Parenting explains in great detail why the "standard" approach to discipline doesn't work the best. Why there are better ways to raise our children and speak to them. And why rewards and punishments are actually counterproductive especially when it comes to creating people with self esteem.
When we give our children rewards and punishments we never allow them to feel proud of themselves or disappointed in themselves, because we do it for them. They require us to tell them whether they've done well or badly. This creates an individual who's self esteem and self worth are reliant upon the values and judgments of those around them rather than their own values and judgments. This effects some kids more than others.
When we instead let our children decide for themselves whether or not they've done something to be proud of or disappointed in they learn to have self esteem that's reliant upon their own values rather than outside judgments. It should be our job to help our children define their own values, rather than tell them whether their actions or opinions are "good" or "bad".
When a child is driving a toy car across the floor and rams it into someone's foot and is told "that wasn't nice" or something similar (yes I'm guilty of this too) all they learn is that specifically ramming that toy car into that person's foot wasn't nice. If you instead discuss with said child how the person who got their foot rammed felt, and if the child thinks they enjoyed it a whole new realm of learning and understanding is opened. A realm that allows the child to take the knowledge learned from the experience into completely different circumstances "if it hurts to ram a car into a foot, and it hurts to push someone, maybe I shouldn't do either". This usually requires more initial effort than simply saying "don't do that" or "that wasn't nice" but over time it ends up creating children who can make those judgments for themselves.
At the moment it's a work in progress but I repeatedly see how it is a better long term solution than the easier "that's good" "that's bad" judgments.
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