What's with bedtime?

Okay, so both my own experiences and other people's links have led me to ask myself this question lately. So, there it is, what's with bedtime? Seriously, why do we expect kids to live by the clock? Most attentive parents want their children to be able to pay attention to their body's cues. If they are hungry we want them to eat, even if it's a snack rather than a meal. If they're full we want them to stop eating, we don't want them to lose that ability and end up overeating for life. If they're cold we want them to get a jacket or a blanket. If they're hot we want them to take off extra layers and get a cold drink. If they're tired we should want them to sleep, even if it's not yet naptime. But what about if they're not tired when we think they should be? What then? We force them to sleep. But why?

What would happen if you removed bedtime from a child, if you didn't force them to sleep when they're not tired? If you didn't shut them in a room and say "go to bed, it's bedtime!"

I can tell you what would happen because I've done this, with both my boys now. My 7 year old no longer has a bedtime. IF he's allowed to watch unlimited television he'll stay up way past the point he gets tired and be a cranky butt. However, if he's not allowed the TV and other electronic gadgets after a certain time at night, he'll put himself to sleep when he gets tired. He does wonderfully, he's not a horrible child to deal with after wards, and there's no "bed time fight" with me that can take hours and unnecessary energy.

So, okay, you say, this works with older kids that can understand it, but my toddlers just too small to do this. Nope, no they're not. My 12 month old does great with this too. We start getting ready for bed when he starts showing me he wants to. This is typically around 8pm, though sometimes as early as 7, and sometimes much later. Last night I made the mistake of trying to put him to bed when he wasn't tired. Guess what, I had an hour long fight on my hands before I gave up. I brought him out of the bedroom and let him keep playing, I tossed my hands up and forgot about the fact that he "should be sleeping" forget it, he's not tired, he's awake. I decided to forget about what "should be" and live with what was. He played, and played, and played. About 10:30P.M. he started showing signs of being tired. So we went to bed, he got up on time this morning, at 7am. Was a bit extra fussy, but once we walked the dog and got back home he was fine, he went and played. Then, he took his morning nap, and now he's up again, "right on time" with when he normally does things. He's 12 months old, I theoretically should have "messed up his schedule" with that move. Nope, I let his body re-regulate how he wanted and needed to and all's good.

So, next time you're in a fight with your child over bedtime ask yourself why? If you have a child that literally cannot settle down without a firm hand (by which I mean you calmly sit with your child and keep them in bed or calmly keep returning them to bed, and yes I know they exist) then keep it up, more power to you. If, however, you have a child that typically goes to sleep without issue, and just doesn't want to tonight, then maybe you should change your approach. Maybe your child just isn't tired yet, and they want to exercise a bit more control over their own most vital habits. Consider it, weigh your options, then make the choice that works best for your family, but don't make them go to bed just because "kids should have a bedtime". Or because "well, it's time for bed".